My Son the Toddler

Sharon Olds wrote this wonderful poem titled "My Son the Man." As the father of a two-year-old boy, there is just something in this poem that resonates with me, like so many other parents. If you haven't read it, I've posted it here. Give it a quick read. It's short, modern, and unpretentious.

"My Son the Man" by Sharon Olds


Suddenly his shoulders get a lot wider,
the way Houdini would expand his body
while people were putting him in chains. It seems
no time since I would help him to put on his sleeper,
guide his calves into the gold interior,
zip him up and toss him up and
catch his weight. I cannot imagine him
no longer a child, and I know I must get ready,
get over my fear of men now my son
is going to be one. This was not
what I had in mind when he pressed up through me like a
sealed trunk through the ice of the Hudson,
snapped the padlock, unsnaked the chains,
and appeared in my arms. Now he looks at me
the way Houdini studied a box
to learn the way out, then smiled and let himself be manacled.
Source: Poetry Foundation 

Becoming a father was something that I feared. It was the type of irrational fear that I think most men have when it comes to bringing a child into the world. But after Angela brought Asher--bloody and screaming--into the world,  those fears became apparitions: ghosts of fears based more on personal inadequacies than on my child's being.

Like most parents, I instantly felt connected with my son. It isn't a battle to express how I feel about him. He's healthy, happy, and beautiful. I love him like no other. It's a strange and amazing thing, but now I am filled with new fears. Not fears based on myself or my ability to be a good father. I fear for the inevitable day when he won't want to kiss and hug me in public. I fear for the day when he will cringe at my jokes instead of laugh. I fear for the day when he will see me as a parental unit instead of his daddy. And no matter how cool of a dad I am, these things will happen. They are supposed to happen.

I have no real concluding remarks at this moment because I have no real solution. I'm just sort of enjoying everything I can for now, and I'm waiting for the inevitable...